Both the military and the public lately have focused in on the mental health of soldiers. There is even a national center dedicated to studying and tracking PTSD in veterans. But the psychological toll the war is taking on family members who have either lost loved ones or are dealing with their absence during increasingly long deployments is also immense. The added burden of spending a holiday without a loved one often results in unhealthy behavior, says psychologist Aphrodite Matsakis, who has been working with military families for about 30 years. “You see it in increased rates of alcoholism, drug abuse and even child abuse,” says Matsakis, author of “In Harm's Way: Help for the Wives of Military Men, Police, EMTs, and Fire fighters,” which was published in August by New Harbinger Publications.

The military is making an effort to help families cope with stress and depression in recent years. In the past decade, family members of soldiers who have been killed can seek counseling at any of the nation's Vet Centers. And since the Afghanistan and Iraq conflicts, the Armed Forces has offered service members and their families a 24-hour, confidential hot line called Military One Source (www.militaryonesource.com), which can set up six free face-to-face counseling sessions. During the holidays, the service ramps up with on-line self-assessments geared toward “emotional well-being” as well as workshops on other holiday Stressors like money.