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Personal Symptoms and reactions to triggers producing Anger!
The following information was directed to my Readjustment Counselor at the Colorado Springs, Colorado, Veterans Center. I had been asked why I was still coming to the center after two years of treatment. This was my reply, and you will not have all the details as they relate to each separate topics.
"Since our last conversation I have tried to place some order to the problems that I have had since my return from Vietnam and which has been very intense over the last year or so.
Knowing that there are resources available to me now through the Department of Veterans Affairs: "Vet Centers" has proved very helpful to me.
The problem is having to deal with the past and the lost of a normal life that most other people have had the chance to experience!" One area that was not looked at during my visits was the Biological Side of PTSD, it is my personal feeling that the ongoing startle reaction produces brain damage from chemical reactions to stress, ongoing anxiety, and outburst of anger that the brain has to suffer!
Personal List of Possible PTSD Symptoms!
Each of these topics is a story within itself and I will not be getting into them here. But do look at the trend of the message from each. Most PTSD people have these, if not more, that we have to live with each day of our lives.
- 1. Anger, Fear of my aggression toward others, Road Rage, Intrusive thoughts, Hypervigilance, Hyper-arousal, Nightmares and Flashbacks.
- 2. Relationship problems with males in position of authority and with females. I've divorced 3 times, had over 400 "One-nighters" and still experience low self-esteem, emotional numbing, no friends just acquaintances, not allowing anyone to get close to me on an emotional level, authority problems including work environment, seeing everything with a black and white thinking process.
- 3. Isolation, withdrawal but still having the feeling of loneliness, dissociation and indifference toward the world around me, not allowing people near me emotionally.
- 4. Grief, guilt about a wasted life, resentment toward government and general public, survivor guilt, spiritual alienation, anxiety, frustration about the past events. Lowered sex drive, hopelessness, sleep problems, low motivation, money problems.
- 5. Thinking of death, suicide, homicide, depression, risk taking, sadness, avoiding remembrances of events that took place in Vietnam, avoid memories of combat and the loss of life that I've seen.